Just North of Ridiculous

Well, it didn't take long. I can now add one more accomplishment to the list of mildly ammusing, utterly confounding things that only I seem capable of. It's seems to be the very nature of my breed. Let's recap:

1) The paring of much needed flesh from my big toe by way of a yoga mat. I've since learned that I am not the only person to have done this, but that's of little consolation when you're sitting in class bleeding.

2) The complete destruction of a local coffee shop during their lunch rush. If you don't know what I am talking about, you can reference said incident in the blog titled: "It's a gift"

3) Let me begin by setting the stage. I had relatives in town at my parent's house this past week; Uncle John, Aunt Jeannie and Cousin AnneMarie, who's absolutely adorable by the way. I have pictures on my phone that I'll post some other time. She's 3. Anyway, whenever people come to visit, it seems that every meal is a feast. No, feast doesn't do it justice, worse than that. Every meal outdoes the one previous. It's like in that book "Popcorn" that was around when we were kids in which the parents go to halloween party and the kids invite freinds over and pop so much popcorn that for seven pages the author writes nothing but "they ate, and ate, and ate and ate......." you know the one? Anyway, I ate and ate and ate.......and suprise, I got sleepy. I decided to take a nap on the floor of the living room. I placed my hands behind my head in a fashion I describe as "Huck Finn style". It's how I imagine he looked when relaxing. Sprawled out with fingers interlocked behind the head. It can be a pretty comfortable position. What I didn't know was that it can also be hazardous. When you have your arms behind your head like this you put your shoulder in an awkward position. Which is fine if you are awake, but once your muscles relax, as they do when you sleep, your shoulder can come loose. So that's what happened. I dislocated my shoulder while I slept. I'll just give you a second to process that...............

I woke up unable to move my right arm, and after a little careful adjusting managed to get it back where it belonged, but for the love of all things Good and Holy, who does that happen to! Have you ever heard of such a thing?!? It's still a little sore, and every night it gets agitated because I like to sleep on my side. I start out on my back or stomach but invariably end up on my side, hurting. lame. Uber-lame. Glue factory lame.

Anyway, that's me. Other than that, not a whole lot going on. I've been given my final exam, which is a take home so that ought to be vicious. I've purchased some new, state of the art eye-ware, and am sporting them as I type this. For the most part they're imperceptible. No rims, very little in the way of stems, drill mounted and hinge-free. They weigh nothing and are made of a titanium alloy that is nearly indestructible; a claim I am sure, that will be put to the test.


Music: "Walk the Line" ---Johnny Cash

A Deadly Handsome Man.

Okay, so I had this beard, right? It was reasonable, as far as beards go, but in no way worth the hassle. I mean, sure, it kept the wind from freezing my face, and I appreciated that, really. However, that didn't balance the scale against things like catching all manner of food (if you thought I could catch mackerel in my arm hair you ought to see this thing in action) It was getting long on the bottom and not really on the sides and I was without any means by which to trim it. Thick, stupid thick. The one that finally did it for me was waking up the other morning with bed beard. Yup, slept on the old beard wrong I guess and woke up with a condition I have now dubbed "painful weird beard". I could barely wash my damn face it hurt so bad. I've experienced "hair hurt" when you sleep in a particularly dumb position but beards? Brutal. I don't wish painful weird beard on anyone. Some pics:

So, I decided to get rid of it. Somewhere in the process of taking down the ol' boy (around the chin I believe it was) I got to wondering what would happen if I kept a mustache. My dad has a mustache and it seems to suit him just fine. I don't really associate mustaches with people my age but I wanted one. I decided that if it was to be done it had to look like I was being purposely ridiculous. I didn't want people to think I was seriously trying to pull something like this off. I began carefully shaping it and finished with this:

Mother's lock up your daughters. It looks horrible, but fantastic at the same time. Something along the lines of Borat meets Hulk Hogan. I went from an average looking bearded fellow to looking like I should be driving a brown chevy van with a mural of a wolf howling at the moon on the side. I believe the word you're searching for is skeezy. I decided to try it out in a few poses:

You've got the shooters...

the crab...

and the Jesus dance pose from the Big Lebowski, of course.

So that's how I'm rollin these days. I went out last night (biggest bar night of the year, but why?) I'll spare you all the particulars of what I was wearing...let's just say that if I had been driving a white Ferrari circa 1985 I would have been straight out of Miami Vice. Hoootttt.



Music: "Demons" --- Guster

10.714

That is the amount of time, expressed as a percent of the week's total, naturally, that I get to spend at my apartment. It’s a decent place. It came complete with a washer and dryer, cathedral ceiling and a pond view. It also has a large glass wall by which to enjoy the pond view. There are ducks and geese and storks and things that frequent my pond. I got busted trying to “talk” to one of the more adventurous ducks last night. I guess the site of a full grown, bearded, twenty-something Adonis quacking at random water foul from the balcony of his third floor apartment is not the norm in Novi. (shrug)

Weird happenings already this Monday morning. I’ve been floating around town, running some errands (Camera shop, Ski Shop etc.) It was at the ski shop (I’m in the market for a Swedish Rack for my Swedish car.) when a young girl, I’m guessing 3 maybe 4 years old, ran up to me and hugged my leg. I looked down to see this adorable, anime-eyed, blond girl look up at me and ask “Are you my dad?”. “Nope, sorry sweetie.” Was my reply all the while thinking there has to be something afoot here, right? This never happens to me. Kids think I’m great. Probably because for the most part I’m a six foot four inch version of them, and somehow they know this instinctively, but I’ve never had one run up and hug my leg, at least not one that was of no relation to me. Besides which, if I am lucky enough to have a child someday (please oh please) I would certainly never let them wander as far away from me as this girl was from her mother. “Oh.” She said, and then “Is your face soft?" If this is what Nic meant by “a beard makes you approachable", I’ll be getting rid of it posthaste. Mine is not really the sort of beard that will ever make me look stately or distinguished. Mine is the sort of beard that if left to it's own devices would be likely to house birds; perhaps the occasional squirrel. I love kids, but the owner of this one didn’t like me talking to hers and told me so. I don’t need parents thinking I’m trying to run off with their much too cute kids. I have enough problems.

Speaking of my Swedish car, here are some pictures of it:

Obviously it will look different once the windows get tinted and the rack is added. There will be room for 2 bikes or several snowboards should anyone decide that they would like to do outdoorsy things with me. It also functions well to get to coffee shops and retail outlets. It has a cavernous boot, so fitting groceries and luggage is a snap. Oh, and since it is a wagon, you can fold the seats down to expose the trunk and in the process create a make-out arena. Mint. Those clever Swedes think of everything!

Have to run. I’ll post again soon.

Music: "Crooked Teeth" --- Death Cab

Do you see what happens Larry......

It's Friday. It's October 13th. And what better way to start this day than to awake to that unmistakable "it's the Police" style knock on your door. You know that one, that sort of "sorry it's 5 in the a.m., but open the f-ing door" kind of knock? I got that one. Someone had decided that they were deeply offended by the fact that I am from Michigan and needed to puncture the sidewalls of all of my tires, smash out my rear window, and write "Go back to Michingan" on my car with some sort of marker. I'm not sure which part pissed me off more; being vandalized, or being vandalized by numb-skulls. For God sake, if you don't know how to spell Michigan, look on my license plate!


I spent the next 14 hours of my day oscillating between being bitch slapped by Ford's management, and trying to work through getting my car situation figured out so I can go "home" Sunday. Not a single redeeming quality has this day had....not one.

I hope you are having a better day.

Music: "Drain you" ---Nirvana

It's a gift.

So, what’s up? It’s another rainy, cool, delightful day here in Royal Oak. No, seriously. For as much as I like the sun and the blue sky and all that, with the exception of a few outliers, the days that have meant the most to me in my life have been rainy ones. I’m a pretty fun loving guy. I’m not afraid to go out and enjoy the weather. You may not agree with me that Frisbee golf is a good way to kill a sunny afternoon, but you’re misguided and eventually you’ll see the error in that judgment. You need only go once with Nic and Jay and I and you’ll be hooked, and likely drunk, but whatever. Still, there is something fantastic about sitting inside on a rainy late summer or early fall day watching great movies, or cooking up a storm or both. Or maybe just spending 12 straight hours playing crazy 8’s or Rumy or Go Fish with someone who doesn’t like cards, laughing the whole time.

At present I’m sitting in Beaner’s having another hazelnut soy latte and laughing at the events of the morning. It all started with my inability to eat a cranberry crunch parfait. It’s simple, right. It consists of nothing more than some plain yogurt, a handful of cranberries and a sprinkling of granola, and yet, as I sat there cleaning it off my pants for the third time, I started laughing at how hard this parfait was fighting my attempts to eat it. “C’mon yogurt, be a team player”, I said…..out loud. The girl sitting kiddie-corner to me laughed and asked if I always gave motivational speeches to my food. She raised her hand to introduce herself as Genie (spelled just like that I would later find out). Even with my monkey arms I couldn’t reach to shake her hand so I did what anyone would do, half stood up to take up the distance. Here’s where it gets ugly. I went to stand up and my foot became entangled in my laptop cord. I was stuck, caught between trying to look cool and not thrashing my laptop. In a frenzy of arms and legs and laptop bags I went down…..hard. I spilled my coffee, and hers, though not on either of us shockingly. I finished on my back as if I were prepping to make snow angels on the wooden floor. “That’s Awwwesome” I heard a guy say from the lounge chairs by the window. With precious little dignity left I did the only thing I could do, “So..…do you have dinner plans?” I asked her. It's a gift. If someone were to follow Matt and I around and chronicle our nearly daily public meltdowns, they could entertain future generations for years to come. (sigh)

I’ve got class in a few hours. I woke up early this morning to the sound and smell of the rain. No thunder, no lightning, just rain. I love it. Upon careful review of my class assignments I found that I had no homework to do, bonus. The rest of my day looks like this: tobacco shop and then to the bookstore on Main, hunting for film and some T-max developer (the developer only if someone offers the use of their darkroom……anyone?), quick bite to eat and school. I normally drive to Toronto after school but I can’t check into my hotel room until Tuesday so I’m going to wait and go back then. I hate that drive at night anyway.

Music: "Satan gave me a Taco" - Beck

What's new

I've just come back from a much too short visit to see Joy. I've forgotten just how beautiful France actually is, especially the southern region. I could wander around for hours (and have) staring wide-eyed at the just right shade of yellow buildings that make the sunsets pop. It's nuts, honestly. I'm counting the days until I can get back. Some pics:

Vegetarian. I'm now a vegetarian. If you had told me 5 years ago that I would never eat meat again I'd have never believed you, and yet here I am. It's cool in a way because I've always had a penchant for cooking, and with there being only two restaurants near me that have anything vegetarian; "Crazy" sushi, which may as well be "Mediocre" Sushi and East Side Mario's. I could write volumes explaining why one should never eat there. I can use this as a reason to go out and gather my ingredients and rediscover something I enjoy. I generally prefer to cook for other people but as I haven't really "cooked" in awhile it will be nice to have a buffer period before I am back in the presence of my friends.

I'm resolute to leave my job. I hate my job. I used to tell myself that I could work these sort of hours for the rest of my life. I'm a dope. I love being able to give people things that they need or want. It's something that I have always drawn on as a source of happiness. The problem is it doesn't leave any time for me, and while that may sound selfish, it's also absolutely necessary. I don't know what it was about this trip overseas that opened my eyes to that but I'm thankful. I don't know what I'm going to do about work in the future. I'm in school still here and I would like to finish that degree. I think, rather I know, that I will have a lot more opportunities available to me once my Master's is complete. There is nothing to say I have to complete it in Michigan though. I want to get back to working on things that can make a difference in people's lives, no more of this making cars that people shouldn't even be driving in the first place. So, I will use this job I have or what I should have from the get go; a means by which to save a bunch of money and leave for something better.

Learn a foreign language. It’s something that I have wanted to do for the longest time and for whatever reason I have never made the time to do it. I’m open to suggestions at the moment. I’ve had a few conversations with people about languages I could learn that would help me in my career and I like my options so far. French, German, Spanish. It’s going to be hard. The last time I took a foreign language was in High School, so ten years ago, and it wasn’t exactly something that my brain just ran with. It could have been that I was young and stupid and didn’t realize the doors that open when you can speak something other than English. It’s a mistake I look forward to remedying.

Start taking photographs again. I don’t know why it is that I wax and wane when it comes to my interest in taking pictures. Actually, now that I think about it, my interest has stayed fairly constant, it’s my ability to actively pursue it that has changed. Looking back now at the times when I found myself to have a substantial amount of free time I always went back to photography. It nearly killed me once, did I tell you that? I spent the night in a hospital laughing at the beeps and whirs of the myriad tests that were being run to determine the state of my brain. “Addled” I told them, which only made them look harder. It sucked actually, I was bruised from my eyes to my toes, but learned a valuable lesson; mind your step. I got a cool new camera out of it too, so, not all bad.

I’m back in school, sort of. I don’t feel like I’m in school. I’m commuting to Dearborn once a week for night class. It is what it is and hopefully I will have an answer for it before I fall asleep at the wheel. On the bright side, there are two girls that work at the currency exchange booth that are smoking hot. If I were them I would have asked me out by now. What are you waiting for?!?

That’s about all for now. I’ll be more diligent in updating this now that I know that you’re checkin it.

Music I’m listening to right now: “Bones” – Radiohead

Quote of the week---

"Matt said cool he would look for your call, but he is in trapeze clas until 9 so give him a couple of minutes to get out of there"

"I like when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows up though the a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic" --- George Carlin

This might just be the most menacing looking Aloe plant I have ever seen.

It's a pretty nice place, these gardens. It's nice when enormous towns have gardens, you can sort of forget that you are surrounded by a polluting juggernaut. Until you walk outside again, of course. Toronto isn't that bad, really. They do a lot of recycling and is home to the worlds only functional Urban Wind turbine. I should get a picture of that.

I didn't see any venus fly traps, that would have been great. I'll have to go back and see if I maybe just missed them the first time.

It sounds like a storm is brewing outside so I am gonna go watch. Summer storms are one of my favorite things. See you later.

This is sort of a picture of Port Credit. We hang out here sometimes. On this particular evening we found ourselves getting in trouble with another man's Lambo. See the below pictures.


This dude rolled around town for what seemed like hours and hours. We watched him from the bar window for awhile as he drove up and down and up and down the street. Dork.



So once he parked his car though I figured I would at least go check out what 400k gets you, right? What are the odds that my shirt matched.....

Although not shown, due to circumstances out of my control, there was almost, what I am sure would have been a great and lasting photo of my trying to "Dukes of Hazard" my way into the driver's seat. There was a reason that Nature made me funny.....because it didn't make me graceful. He shouted and ran after us for a bit but we got away. We hopped into Andrew's truck and sped away.



Of course, right?

Catch you guys later, I'll post again soon.

"All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot" --- Dr. Suess

I know what you're thinking, and yeah, I know I need to dust.

Please...Don't feed the animals!!

Oakville is getting to me. Can you tell?

4th of July '06

Fourth of JulyI was trying to take a picture of the beach, but as you can see the sunlight was fading fast. If you look really carefully you can see the light house that sits at the breakwater for Holland State Park in the lower left corner of the photo. It's about a mile and a half or so and that is where we launch the boats from.
This is our breakfasting location. We all sort of join up as we wake up in the mornings. You get a pretty good view of the beach from here, though it is completly lost in this photo.
This is where we spend most of our time. From the edge of the grass to the water is about 80 yards or so. We play horseshoes volleyball and go kayaking by day. At night we build a good sized bonfire and launch our firework arsenal. Good times.

Jay, Gary( J's dad) and Amanda, from left to right. This deck is the ultimate in relaxation locations. Bar-b-que is over J's shoulder, the keg is behind Mr. Miller and out of hte picture to the right are a hammock and two of the most comfortable green beach chairs I have ever had the pleasure of sitting in. I make it a point to take a nap in the afternoon in one of those chairs, they're great. It's like in those commercials for Sealy; you know where they show why Sealy shouldn't make bear skin rugs and some other things? Anyway, you sit in these chairs and just pass out. It can't be helped.
Jay says hi.
Amanda too.
So this seems to be all the photos that it will allow me to post. I have others. I didn't take my camera on the boat. They appointed me Commander, so I had to drive, and that makes it hard to snap pics. I did get to order the others around though, and I got my choice of beer coozie(sp.??). It's the little things. This last picture is of the lift that takes you down to the beach. I think it's like 120 ft tall, so the view at the top near the house is pretty killer.


One more. This, plus Mr. Miller and myself was the crew this year. Normally there would be 4 or five others but they had weddings and stuff to attend this year. Joe, seen in the front, was the best man in J's wedding. He's living in London for the time being setting up a new branch of the company that he works for in Chicago. They told him he had to go three weeks ago. He told them the only way he would go was if they bought him a ticket to come back for the week of the 4th. Quote: "I told them, you can't seriously exepct me to spend the 4th of July in the country we declared independance from." Apparently it worked. He should have gone into sales.