A Deadly Handsome Man.

Okay, so I had this beard, right? It was reasonable, as far as beards go, but in no way worth the hassle. I mean, sure, it kept the wind from freezing my face, and I appreciated that, really. However, that didn't balance the scale against things like catching all manner of food (if you thought I could catch mackerel in my arm hair you ought to see this thing in action) It was getting long on the bottom and not really on the sides and I was without any means by which to trim it. Thick, stupid thick. The one that finally did it for me was waking up the other morning with bed beard. Yup, slept on the old beard wrong I guess and woke up with a condition I have now dubbed "painful weird beard". I could barely wash my damn face it hurt so bad. I've experienced "hair hurt" when you sleep in a particularly dumb position but beards? Brutal. I don't wish painful weird beard on anyone. Some pics:

So, I decided to get rid of it. Somewhere in the process of taking down the ol' boy (around the chin I believe it was) I got to wondering what would happen if I kept a mustache. My dad has a mustache and it seems to suit him just fine. I don't really associate mustaches with people my age but I wanted one. I decided that if it was to be done it had to look like I was being purposely ridiculous. I didn't want people to think I was seriously trying to pull something like this off. I began carefully shaping it and finished with this:

Mother's lock up your daughters. It looks horrible, but fantastic at the same time. Something along the lines of Borat meets Hulk Hogan. I went from an average looking bearded fellow to looking like I should be driving a brown chevy van with a mural of a wolf howling at the moon on the side. I believe the word you're searching for is skeezy. I decided to try it out in a few poses:

You've got the shooters...

the crab...

and the Jesus dance pose from the Big Lebowski, of course.

So that's how I'm rollin these days. I went out last night (biggest bar night of the year, but why?) I'll spare you all the particulars of what I was wearing...let's just say that if I had been driving a white Ferrari circa 1985 I would have been straight out of Miami Vice. Hoootttt.



Music: "Demons" --- Guster