They put me in goal...

About halfway through our game on Friday night a situation occurred, the circumstances surrounding which I missed out on, which lead to a penalty kick against our team. Normally this is a disastrous turn of events for a team as the penalty kick is virtually a guaranteed goal. At the time we were leading by some incredible margin, like 8 to 1, which meant the allowing of a goal would matter very little. Because of this, and I think because collectively the team thought it would be hysterical, Nic yelled for me to get in goal and sub for Jeff.

Horrified, I pretended not to hear him. He yelled again. This time I attempted to make what I thought was an airtight case against my being in goal. Nic Milani, a.k.a Diocletian, yelled over top of my protest and sent me onto the field without so much as a heads up as to the rules of the position. To make matters worse, as I was putting on my "goalie shirt" I could hear him tell the other team that I have never been on a soccer field before and to "shell" me.

I made my way out to the goal to die. I couldn't get the gloves on so I threw them on the field. The ref did not like that and told me to put them in the back of the net. The kick came and I did not stop it. I was thankful that it didn't hit me in the face, or worse. Since there was a break in the action I put on the gloves and stretched out, because I thought at the very least why pull a muscle. With my shirt on backwards and my hands wrapped in sweat drenched gloves that smelled of hamsters who've been rolling around in urine soaked cedar, I daftly repelled the murderous onslaught that ensued.

That's not entirely true. The description of the gloves is entirely accurate but there really wasn't a murderous onslaught. Our defense did a great job and I think I only had to block two or three shots. I did get yelled at a few times for trying to pick the ball up when I wasn't eligible but I blame that on Nic. I'm pretty sure that I never want to play goal again.